Letter from a Confraternity of Penitents Sister in Christ

My dear brothers and sisters in Christ,

 

My name is Rhea Schoettner. I have been a pledged and privately vowed member of the CFP, since April 2, 2011. The name I chose when I pledged and vowed is sr. Benedict Mary Francis. I have always loved St. Benedict for some very special reasons and Mary is my mother! St. Francis ... well, there are no words to express my love for him! 

 

I serve as a Regional Minister for the United Kingdom, Europe, and Florida. I am also a formator, helping others in their journey towards becoming a penitent.

 

 

 

I began a group called the Francis and Clare Guild. Some of us make handmade greeting cards, others use purchased cards, and we send them to people we know who are alone, shut in, addicted, sick, etc. Someone who is in need of knowing someone cares for them. We choose people from our own lives and mail to them once a month. I began this because there are so many lonely people out there. I take care of my grandchildren for my son while he works so I can't get out and about like other people do. This was my way of being able to touch someone's life and let them know they are loved. The Guild is on Facebook if you would like to join us.

 

Living the CFP Rule of Life has changed me in so many ways. I have gained so much from the prayer life and the sacrifices we make as penitents. I live the rule in all ways except for the diet and fasting (because of unforeseen health problems). I actually have found that after adjusting to the diet part of the rule and then having to go off of it has been just as much of a sacrifice as it was when I was on it. Maybe even more so because I wanted to follow the rule completely and I can't. We don't always choose our sacrifices or even know that something is going to be a sacrifice. It is all up to God! I never imagined that having to eat the way everyday people do would be a sacrifice but it is!

 

In October of 2014 my husband and I went on vacation to Pennsylvania. It was the first time in 6 years since I had been home to see my family and friends. We managed to save enough money and set out for a fun escape for a few weeks! The day we left (after we left) a hose going to toilet in the bathroom broke. My son went to check on the house the next morning and found it full of water. He opened the front door and the water came gushing out. We notified the Landlord's agent and had to trust that she would do a good job. I will not go into detail because it is too long, but I will get straight to the point ... The rental agent did NOT do her job. She never entered our home until the day after we returned from vacation and we found mold everywhere. We lost nearly all of our furniture, all of our linens, our clothing, books that were on the bottom shelves to mold. We also lost some very sentimental items. It didn't have to happen that way. Everything could have been saved had the agent done her job!

 

 

 

I am sharing this because I learned some very valuable lessons over the last 3 months. I would like to share them because they just might help others if they ever come face to face with this kind of disaster.

 

First I learned that my CFP brothers and sisters are really my brothers and sisters. They are the only ones who helped us when we were in need. I learned that God has led me to the best place I could ever be. I will be forever grateful for the kindness and compassion the members of the Confraternity of Penitents had for us.

 

Second I learned that I am human! I think over time knowing that I had come so far in my faith journey, had placed me in a nice little nest of security. I have over the last 8 years detached from things and people who had too much control over my emotions. I learned that love is an action ... Not an emotion. And I thought I was doing very well and that I would never fall. How wrong I was. Because of the behaviour of the people responsible for the loss of our things, I became depressed. I also felt hopeless and angry and alone. I missed my THINGS! Me, who thought herself detached from the worldly things and people found myself in that dark place I had not been to in 28 years! I fell backwards in my prayer ... In my spiritual life in general. I did NOT lose my faith but I came close.

 

It was the actions of the people that depressed me the most. I could not believe that people could be so uncaring and hurtful. I forgot to trust in God. I forgot that He always has a reason for allowing things to happen. He knows best!

 

 

I woke up one day and realized that I was failing miserably ... I began to pick up my breviary again and to focus on my faith, family and home again instead of my misery. I began to focus on how to get back to the way of life I had worked so hard to build with the Confraternity of Penitents ... The life God had led me to and given me the grace to follow through with. Bottom line it isn't so easy to just get it back. It took a very long time to build it ... A few weeks to knock it down and ... A difficult time to rebuild! I didn't lose it all ... As I said I did not lose faith and I did pray ... I still kept up with the clothing rule ... It was praying of the Hours and the psalms and the meditation and reading that I failed to do. I became so engrossed in fixing everything and feeling depressed that I forgot to do those things that keep me going everyday!

 

There is a saying that if the devil can't get you to sin in everyday ways he makes you busy ... THIS IS TRUE ... I am just now pulling myself up and out of the hole I was in. I hope I never become so sure of myself again (in regards to faith) that I don't see I am already falling. It is the prayer together with the sacrifice that aids us everyday. It makes the hard things less difficult. It makes us strong and able to withstand the trials in life. I almost let that go. I am so thankful for the Confraternity because at all times it remained on my mind and I know it was God's way of nagging me ... Telling me to get back to the right way of life ... His way of life.

 

I guess the main message is that it is easy to think we are growing in holiness and can't fall like we used to. That is a great lie ... One we all need to keep in mind! I will end here and I hope each and everyone of my brothers and sisters in the Confraternity are filled with the love of God and are given all of the graces needed to face every trial with hope and trust in God!

 

God Bless you all ... Pax et bonum,

Rhea (sr. Benedict Mary Francis)

God: The Lion of Juda Is Not a Household Pet

Then he cried in my hearing with a loud voice, saying, ‘Draw near, you executioners of the city, each with his destroying weapon in his hand.’ And six men came from the direction of the upper gate, which faces north, each with his weapon for slaughter in his hand; among them was a man clothed in linen, with a writing-case at his side. They went in and stood beside the bronze altar.

 Now the glory of the God of Israel had gone up, from the cherub on which it rested, to the threshold of the house. The Lord called to the man clothed in linen, who had the writing-case at his side, and said to him, ‘Go through the city, through Jerusalem, and put a mark on the foreheads of those who sigh and groan over all the abominations that are committed in it.’ To the others he said in my hearing, ‘Pass through the city after him, and kill; your eye shall not spare, and you shall show no pity. Cut down old men, young men and young women, little children and women, but touch no one who has the mark. And begin at my sanctuary.’ So they began with the elders who were in front of the house. Then he said to them, ‘Defile the house, and fill the courts with the slain. Go!’ So they went out and killed in the city.(Ezekiel 9: 1-7)

Then the glory of the Lord went out from the threshold of the house and stopped above the cherubim. The cherubim lifted up their wings and rose up from the earth in my sight as they went out with the wheels beside them. They stopped at the entrance of the east gate of the house of the Lord; and the glory of the God of Israel was above them.  (Ezekiel 10: 18-19)

This reading from the Book of Ezekiel reminds us that while God's mercy is everlasting, His justice has its day. Prompted by unconditional love, the Only-begotten Son stretched out His arms and was nailed to the cross. With His dying breath He manifested His boundless mercy and spoke a word of forgiveness. For our part, we must embrace the Cross and be bathed in the life-giving stream that flows from the pierced heart of the Savior. God's love is freely offered, never forced. We are free either to accept God's offer of divine love and in love's embrace have our sins washed away; or to refuse it and remain in the darkness of sin.

            It is a source of great comfort to know that we have a great High Priest Who pleads our cause before the Throne of Mercy. Our faith tells us that the Lord will redeem those who turn to Him and take shelter under the shadow of His wings. Once lulled into complacency, we are shocked at sudden change Ezekiel recounts in his vision. The God of glory leaves his mercy-seat, exits the Temple, and abandons His people to their fate. We may be tempted to say, "Hey, God! You're not acting very god-like!" Of course, we expect God to do our will and behave according to our pre-conceived notions. Through this reading, we are reminded that God refuses to be kenneled, and will not be domesticated. The Lion of Juda is not a household pet.

Aslan and Lucy from The Chronicles of Narnia

            Those who have read C. S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia are familiar with the central character, Aslan. In one place Lewis wrote: "Of course he isn't safe. But he's good." Then, towards the end of the same volume, "You mustn't press him. He's wild you know. Not like a tame lion." It is hard for us to wrap our brains around a being who is infinitely and intrinsically good. Yet, it is only in the presence of one who is uncontrollably good, we can admit our brokenness and sin. We who are enslaved to sin must present ourselves to One who is wild and good. In The Problem of Pain, Lewis wrote: "Divine goodness differs from ours, but it is not only different; it differs not as white from black, but as a perfect circle from a child's first attempt to draw a wheel. But when the child has learned to draw, it will know that the circle it then makes is what it was trying to make from the very beginning."

            When confronted by God who is uncontrollably good, fiercely loving, and infinitely merciful our only response is awe and praise. It takes time for us to overcome the shock of encountering someone who is absolutely wild yet playfully lovable. Our faith tells us that this God whom heaven and earth cannot contain, Who refuses to be caged-in by any of our pre-conceived notions, freely chose to confine Himself in Mary’s virginal womb. He Who dwells in unapproachable light descended into the realms of darkness, sin and death to give sight to those wishing to see.

            He Who is holy cannot abide sin, but He does love sinners. While we were still mired in our sin, He entered into our darkness and revealed our sins to us. Then, with unfailing love He offered to purify us of our sins by drawing us into the Fire of Divine Love. It takes my breath away to think that God looks beyond our sin and calls forth the beauty and holiness that He originally created in our souls. With unbounded and unconditional love God invites us but He does not force us to walk as Children of the Light. He is patiently awaiting our response. Having pondered His uncontrollable love for us, let us choose to love Him without measure. The prayer of St. Ignatius of Loyola has always given me great comfort at such moments of decision.

Take, Lord, receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding,
and my entire will,
All I have and possess.

You have given all to me.
I return them all to you, Lord.

All is yours;

Dispose of it all according to your will.
Give me nothing more than your love and your grace.
These are enough for me.

Penances for Busy Moms and Dads

I received a phone call today from a homeschooling mom of five small children. She wanted to do penance for the souls in Purgatory and wondered what she could do. What were good sacrifices to make for the Poor Souls and would the Lord accept them?

Saint Francis de Sales had some good answers for busy parents. Offer up the daily grind as penance and sacrifice, because that is what it is. When we are responsible for little souls and growing and active bodies, we are frequently so busy that we collapse into bed at night. Forget about doing an hour of contemplation as nuns do in convents. A busy house of small children is definitely not a convent. We all have to learn to sanctify our time where we are. "Bloom where you are planted" is definitely an appropriate saying for busy parents.

So what are moms and dads to do? Certainly they can live the CFP Rule and Constitutions! These were written for lay people including parents of small children. But parents should never think that the not eating meat four days a week or the simplifying of their wardrobe or the praying of certain prayers outweighs being patient with reading The Pokey Little Puppy for the 69th time to a toddler. The penances of the CFP Rule and Constitutions are intended to develop the virtues that help us, parents or not, to become more attuned to neighbor and to God, and to see God in our neighbor. That neighbor might be a whiny two year old who insists on eating in the living room when Mom wants her to eat in the kitchen over the linoleum.

Most of us tend to think that our lives are not really holy nor are they avenues to sanctity. The very opposite is true. Our lives can offer the most opportunities for sanctity if we only take advantage of them. This extends from giving your four year old the last cookie when you'd like to have it for yourself to charging out of a warm bed on a cold night because a child is crying over a loud noise heard in the dark. "Offer it up" does not apply only to losing one's job or being rebuffed by an acquaintance. It also extends to having to wash the laundry again because a magic marker was lost in a child's pocket and dyed everything blue.

Parents, don't miss out on the opportunities for holiness right there among the crushed crayons and the corn flakes dumped out into the sink. "Offer it up" along with your CFP penances and do so with as much joy and patience as you can muster. Ask the Holy Spirit to bolster your intentions and your actions. You will find that you are growing in holiness, not only through the penances you seek, but in the ones that come to you. May God sanctify you right where you are!

--Madeline Pecora Nugent, CFP

The Read to Holiness Is Always Under Construction: Thoughts on Ash Wednesday

But when you fast,

anoint your head and wash your face,
so that you may not appear to be fasting,
except to your Father who is hidden.
And your Father who sees what is hidden will repay you.” (Matthew 6: 17-18)

  

I’ve always wondered why the Church uses this reading on Ash Wednesday. Here is the reading, telling us to wash our faces and anoint our heads, and we hear this right before we receive ashes on our foreheads and then go out into the world to be a witness to other people. Here we are, making a big public statement that we are holy Christians who have gone to Mass and receive our ashes on Ash Wednesday. This seems to be in contradiction to the Gospel reading from Matthew.

But there is no contradiction. The ashes are not to be a boast as if to say, “Look, everyone, I got my ashes!” or to say, “Look how holy I am. I’ve been to Mass.” The ashes are to make us look at the intent of the heart.

The Lord asks us for acts of penance as a way of responding to the call to conversion. The ashes are for us to acknowledge the fact that we are made of dust and unto dust we shall return. When signing us with the ashes, the priest may say, “Remember, man, that you are dust and unto dust you shall return.” By my sins, I should certainly be turning back to dust, but the Lord has come to me and will deliver me.

In Scripture, sinners put ashes and dirt on their heads to show that they were repentant of their sins. This was a popular way of proclaiming conversion. “Turn from your sins and believe in the Gospel” is another phrase that a priest may say when placing the ashes on someone’s forehead. Receiving the ashes is a proclamation that we will begin again, that we will start anew, that we will press forward in our conversion. I wear the ashes because, although I deserve death, I am delivered from death by the Lord.

The Church tells us to repent and turn back to God and to believe in the Gospel. Don’t we already believe in the Gospel? If we didn’t believe, would we be at Mass receiving ashes on Ash Wednesday? Our belief in the Gospel does not lead us to a full embracing of the Gospel. If we fully embraced the Gospel, we would be in heaven! Venerable Solanus Casey was often praised for his goodness and even called holy to his face. To these remarks he would say, “Pray for my conversion.” Yes, we believe in the Gospel, but we need a deeper belief. A holy priest is fond of saying, “The road to holiness is always under construction.” So much construction needs to be done. We get in God’s way and He has to clear the path to call us to a deeper conversion.

We have to allow the life of the Gospel to really flow in our lives. Our lives are sometimes like a flooded river that is choked with uprooted trees, branches, and debris. The river drags all of this junk downstream and then it hits a snag on the banks and everything backs up. The debris chokes the flow of the river and blocks it from moving forward. This natural dam needs to be removed in order to release the flow of the river and allow the water to move freely. We must be freed of the junk in our lives so that the grace of God can flow more freely.

God always challenges us to go deeper, to seek deeper. We need a good examination of conscience every day. We need to look deeper into our hearts and explore the seven deadly sins in our lives. Which one needs to be addressed first and conquered? Which sin is blocking the flow of God’s grace in my life? How does it express itself in my life? How can I remove this sin? What is God asking me to do in response to my sin? What corporal or spiritual work of mercy will help me to overcome this major sin in my life?

For example, is sloth blocking my generosity, masquerading as selfishness? Am I unwilling to go out of my way to help someone else? If sloth is blocking the growth of the fruit of generosity, I can overcome that sin by doing spiritual and corporal works of mercy for someone.

What fruits of the Holy Spirit am I lacking in my life? What is blocking the development of those?

Lent is not just about giving up this or that, but by doing it with an eye toward maturing in the grace of God and embracing the Gospel more fully. May God give us the grace to enter Lent t with a desire for true holiness so that by Easter the sin that has blocked God’s mercy and grace in our lives has been removed and we are finally freed to experience God’s blessing.

--Transcribed as best as possible from the Ash Wednesday homily of Father David Engo, Franciscan Brothers Minor

Repentance and Prayer: The Way to Holiness

12 When Jesus heard that John had been arrested, he left Judea and returned to Galilee. 13 But instead of going to Nazareth, he went to Capernaum, beside the Sea of Galilee, in the region of Zebulun and Naphtali. 14 This fulfilled Isaiah's prophecy: 15 "In the land of Zebulun and of Naphtali, beside the sea, beyond the Jordan River -- in Galilee where so many Gentiles live -- 16the people who sat in darkness have seen a great light. And for those who lived in the land where death casts its shadow, a light has shined." 17 From then on, Jesus began to preach, "Turn from your sins and turn to God, because the Kingdom of Heaven is near. " 18 One day as Jesus was walking along the shore beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers -- Simon, also called Peter, and Andrew -- fishing with a net, for they were commercial fishermen. 19 Jesus called out to them,"Come, be my disciples, and I will show you how to fish for people!" 20 And they left their nets at once and went with him. 21 A little farther up the shore he saw two other brothers, James and John, sitting in a boat with their father, Zebedee, mending their nets. And he called them to come, too. 22 They immediately followed him, leaving the boat and their father behind. 23 Jesus traveled throughout Galilee teaching in the synagogues, preaching everywhere the Good News about the Kingdom. And he healed people who had every kind of sickness and disease.(Matthew 4: 12-23)

When Jesus heard that John had been arrested, he went to live in Capernaum. John had been sent to preach the baptism of repentance and to prepare the way for Jesus to come. John told the people, “I have only come to prepare the way for the Messiah, but you do not recognize him. I am not fit to untie his sandal strap. I baptize you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit. Look for him. Wait for him.”  

Wait for the LORD, take courage;

be stouthearted, wait for the LORD! (Psalm 27:14)

The Light has come. He is in our midst. Baptism gives us the grace of adoption as the sons and daughters of God. The grace of baptism never leaves us once it comes upon us. We never stop being a beloved son or daughter of the Father. We may make poor choices. We may place our self-will in opposition to God’s Holy Will. Our vision may be clouded and our will weakened due to sin. Sometimes we choose for the good, sometimes for evil. Even if we choose to sin, we will never cease to be the son or daughter of our Father. We will never cease to be his child. He will never stop loving us.

The Father embraces the Prodigal Son

John and Jesus preached the baptism of repentance. In order for the Holy Spirit to be vibrant in our lives, in order for Jesus to shine forth, we need to repent. Everyone needs to repent. All have sinned and fall short of God’s glory. Pope John Paul II used to go to confession every day. Mother Teresa of Calcutta went every week. The constitutions of her Order say that the sisters must confess weekly. It is embarrassing to go to confession. We have to humble ourselves and confess our sins. But the fruit of this is a tremendous joy. The prophets tell us that there is great joy, abundant joy, when we do God’s will.

I have an older brother who called me up with great joy because he had been to a retreat with  his wife who had forced him to go. And his life had been changed. This was the first retreat he’d ever made in his whole life and he is 70 years old. God entered his life on this retreat, probably through his going to confession. He had so much joy and hope that he had to share them with the family.

What happens when I go to the Lord and admit that I am a sinner? How do I begin a confession? I should say, “Christ, Son of the living God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” This is a good thing to say when we can’t sleep. Say it over and over and you will soon sleep in peace. This is called the Pilgrim’s prayer. It helps us know who we are and who God is.

Sin can wreak havoc in a soul and can also affect our bodies. Our bodies show the effects of sin by making us tense and guilty. We take our sin and go to Jesus who took all our sins upon himself and therefore conquered sin. He is the one who smashed the yoke that burdens us. He took the heavy rod of the taskmaster from our shoulders.

John the Baptist preached baptism for the repentance of sins, and he told us to repent for the kingdom of God is at hand. But Jesus told us that the kingdom of God is already here. If I don’t experience the peace, love, joy, patience, fortitude, and so forth of the Holy Spirit, that means that I need to repent of my sin. I need to give my sins to Jesus, to surrender to God. The Lord told King St. Louis of France that he, Louis, wanted to pray as a saint, but God wanted him to come to the Lord as a poor, humble soul.

Jesus told us that blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. A soul that acknowledges that she needs God is poor in spirit. Go to God poor in spirit. Be humble and repent. That is the first step to holiness.

The second is this. Pray perseveringly. Pray when prayer is beautiful and uplifting, and pray on the days when prayer is not so beautiful. Many people get discouraged when prayer becomes boring and they drop it. God did not ask us to pray well but to pray always, to persevere in prayer. Jesus told us the parable about praying always and not losing heart.

Prayer and repentance are the way holiness.

--Transcribed as best as possible from a homily by Father James Kumbakkeel, O.S.B.,