My dear brothers and sisters in Christ,
My name is Rhea Schoettner. I have been a pledged and privately
vowed member of the CFP, since April 2, 2011. The name I chose when I
pledged and vowed is sr. Benedict Mary Francis. I have always loved St.
Benedict for some very special reasons and Mary is my mother! St.
Francis ... well, there are no words to express my love for him!
I serve as a Regional Minister for the United Kingdom, Europe, and
Florida. I am also a formator, helping others in their journey towards
becoming a penitent.
I began a group called the Francis and Clare Guild. Some of us make
handmade greeting cards, others use purchased cards, and we send them
to people we know who are alone, shut in, addicted, sick, etc. Someone
who is in need of knowing someone cares for them. We choose people from
our own lives and mail to them once a month. I began this because there
are so many lonely people out there. I take care of my grandchildren for
my son while he works so I can't get out and about like other people
do. This was my way of being able to touch someone's life and let them
know they are loved. The Guild is on Facebook if you would like to join
us.
Living the CFP Rule of Life has changed me in so many ways. I have
gained so much from the prayer life and the sacrifices we make as
penitents. I live the rule in all ways except for the diet and fasting
(because of unforeseen health problems). I actually have found that
after adjusting to the diet part of the rule and then having to go off
of it has been just as much of a sacrifice as it was when I was on it.
Maybe even more so because I wanted to follow the rule completely and I
can't. We don't always choose our sacrifices or even know that something
is going to be a sacrifice. It is all up to God! I never imagined that
having to eat the way everyday people do would be a sacrifice but it is!
In October of 2014 my husband and I went on vacation to
Pennsylvania. It was the first time in 6 years since I had been home to
see my family and friends. We managed to save enough money and set out
for a fun escape for a few weeks! The day we left (after we left) a hose
going to toilet in the bathroom broke. My son went to check on the
house the next morning and found it full of water. He opened the front
door and the water came gushing out. We notified the Landlord's agent
and had to trust that she would do a good job. I will not go into detail
because it is too long, but I will get straight to the point ... The
rental agent did NOT do her job. She never entered our home until the
day after we returned from vacation and we found mold everywhere. We
lost nearly all of our furniture, all of our linens, our clothing, books
that were on the bottom shelves to mold. We also lost some very
sentimental items. It didn't have to happen that way. Everything could
have been saved had the agent done her job!
I am sharing this because I learned some very valuable lessons over
the last 3 months. I would like to share them because they just might
help others if they ever come face to face with this kind of disaster.
First I learned that my CFP brothers and sisters are really my
brothers and sisters. They are the only ones who helped us when we were
in need. I learned that God has led me to the best place I could ever
be. I will be forever grateful for the kindness and compassion the
members of the Confraternity of Penitents had for us.
Second I learned that I am human! I think over time knowing that I
had come so far in my faith journey, had placed me in a nice little nest
of security. I have over the last 8 years detached from things and
people who had too much control over my emotions. I learned that love is
an action ... Not an emotion. And I thought I was doing very well and
that I would never fall. How wrong I was. Because of the behaviour of
the people responsible for the loss of our things, I became depressed. I
also felt hopeless and angry and alone. I missed my THINGS! Me, who
thought herself detached from the worldly things and people found myself
in that dark place I had not been to in 28 years! I fell backwards in
my prayer ... In my spiritual life in general. I did NOT lose my faith
but I came close.
It was the actions of the people that depressed me the most. I
could not believe that people could be so uncaring and hurtful. I forgot
to trust in God. I forgot that He always has a reason for allowing
things to happen. He knows best!
I woke up one day and realized that I was failing miserably ... I
began to pick up my breviary again and to focus on my faith, family and
home again instead of my misery. I began to focus on how to get back to
the way of life I had worked so hard to build with the Confraternity of
Penitents ... The life God had led me to and given me the grace to
follow through with. Bottom line it isn't so easy to just get it back.
It took a very long time to build it ... A few weeks to knock it down
and ... A difficult time to rebuild! I didn't lose it all ... As I said I
did not lose faith and I did pray ... I still kept up with the clothing
rule ... It was praying of the Hours and the psalms and the meditation
and reading that I failed to do. I became so engrossed in fixing
everything and feeling depressed that I forgot to do those things that
keep me going everyday!
There is a saying that if the devil can't get you to sin in
everyday ways he makes you busy ... THIS IS TRUE ... I am just now
pulling myself up and out of the hole I was in. I hope I never become so
sure of myself again (in regards to faith) that I don't see I am
already falling. It is the prayer together with the sacrifice that aids
us everyday. It makes the hard things less difficult. It makes us strong
and able to withstand the trials in life. I almost let that go. I am so
thankful for the Confraternity because at all times it remained on my
mind and I know it was God's way of nagging me ... Telling me to get
back to the right way of life ... His way of life.
I guess the main message is that it is easy to think we are growing
in holiness and can't fall like we used to. That is a great lie ... One
we all need to keep in mind! I will end here and I hope each and
everyone of my brothers and sisters in the Confraternity are filled with
the love of God and are given all of the graces needed to face every
trial with hope and trust in God!
God Bless you all ... Pax et bonum,
Rhea (sr. Benedict Mary Francis)
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