On the eve of Saint Valentine’s Day, 2014, we at the
Confraternity of Penitents headquarters received a phone call from one of our
life pledged and privately vowed members Ameil “Doc” Klein (br. Philip Julius
is his privately vowed name) in Germany .
It was very early morning on Valentine’s Day in Germany when Doc called. He was
going to send us an email, but was not able to use the computer for several
weeks.
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| Doc coming back to the pew after taking his pledge and private vow to live the Confraternity of Penitents' Rule for Life, October 13, 2013 |
He called to say hello, and I foolishly asked him how he
was. He answered, “Next question.” I knew what he meant because Doc is dying
from liver cancer. The next thing he said was that he is in the final stages of
this illness. Doc has not eaten for three weeks, and tomorrow his doctors are
sending him to the hospital to have a feeding tube put into his stomach.
Doc learned several years ago that he had cancer, and he has
been battling it since. Several months ago, it was apparent that he was losing
the battle, and so he determined that he was not afraid to die, completed his
Confraternity of Penitents lessons, pledged and privately vowed to live the CFP
rule for life, and went on living his life as best he could at home without any
further operations or extensive treatments. His call tonight was to say that he
remembered, when he was living in the United States , hearing the slogan
of a well-known bus line that went something like this: “take the bus and leave
the driving to us.”
“Years ago I realized,” Doc said, “that I wasn’t able to
handle life on my own so I remembered that saying-- take the bus and leave the
driving to us-- and I thought, ‘I’m not that good of a driver. This is more
than I can handle. Please take the wheel.’ And God did.”
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| "God, please take the wheel." |
Doc has been getting visits from his friends, family, and
neighbors. He has been receiving phone calls from Italy
and Spain .
Doc teaches and greatly enjoys country line dancing. One visitor told him that
he has no idea what he meant to a woman who used to dance with the group and
who died when she was 38 years old from cancer. He has many people telling him
what he has meant to them, how his example has touched them, and he is so
humble by this unbelievable outpouring of love.
“I wish everyone could experience what I’m experiencing,”
Doc says. ”People I hardly know have come up to me and said thank you. And I
don’t know what I did for them.” Apparently we all make impressions upon others
that we are unaware of, and people are taking this opportunity to tell Doc.
what he meant to them. Doc said that he wishes that people would come to have
his faith, his trust in Jesus, but he has learned not to expect this. A friend
told him that faith might come to others later, after his death. Right now he
continues to be an example just by being who he is.
Doc’s doctors visit him twice daily. He has a neighbor that
walks his dogs. One neighbor comes and visits four times a day. Other neighbors
will stop and say, “Can I get you anything at the store?” One neighbor picks up
his mail. These are tremendous helps to him and to his wife Helene. The head of
his local Salesian monastery visited him a few times. The Bishop was at the
monastery recently, and the head of the monastery told the Bishop about Doc who,
when he was well, went to the monastery daily to participate in the Divine Office
and to attend Mass. The Bishop said that he wished he could visit Doc but he
had to catch a plane so instead he sent Doc a card with best wishes. The
members of the Salesian monastery come and visit Doc and tell jokes. They have
an “absolutely wonderful time” together.
Doc tells a true story about a priest whom he knows. The
priest has been in religious life for 50 years. He was a farmer boy, and when
he goes home to visit his family he always slaughters a pig and brings it back
to his community for meat. However, years ago, when he was crossing the border
from East to West Germany ,
he was stopped by the border guards who asked him what he had in the barrel in
the back of his truck. The priest answered ,”Old church documents.” This was
not a lie because he had covered the pig with old church documents to hide the
carcass because it is illegal to slaughter an animal without government
permission. The border patrol went back to check and told the priest, “Your
documents are bleeding.” The priest said, “Of course they are. They are
documents about martyrs.” The border patrol shook his head and left the priest
go on. Doc had a good laugh in the retelling of this story.
Doc said that he sleeps a lot, and when he goes to sleep he
sleeps peacefully. He has no appetite; he cannot stomach this taste of food. He
has difficulty breathing, and his lips get so dry that they sometimes stick to
his teeth and then he can’t talk clearly. He said sincerely, “I wish that
everyone could experience what I’m experiencing. There is nothing to be afraid
of.” He had a friend who had not been to see him, and finally, a few days ago,
the friend came by. He apologized to Doc for not coming to see him and said
that he didn’t do it because he was afraid of death. He was afraid to sit with
someone who is dying. Doc said to him, “But there is nothing to be afraid of. This
is a wonderful experience. I wish everyone could experience what I’m
experiencing.” Then Doc laughed. “And I guess they will!”
Doc expressed his gratitude to Andrea, Roger, Catherine, and
Castillo, the four people whom he had in formation in the Confraternity of
Penitents. He said that they will never know what love they shared with him and
how much he enjoyed working with them. “They blessed me greatly by knowing them
and corresponding with them.” He apologized for not being able to answer his
emails and keep up with their correspondence now, but assured them that they
are in his prayers and his love. He wanted to thank all of the Confraternity
members and everyone else who has been praying for him. The fruits of your
prayers are with him.
Doc repeated the bus analogy. “God, you know how to drive a
lot better than I do so I’m going to sit back on the bus and let you do the
driving.’ And I’ve done that ever since and it’s been a great ride.”
Doc is living what Father David Engo preached in a recent
homily about death. Here are Father David’s thoughts:
Death is a mysterious thing. We don’t know how to deal with
death. As a young man, I did not want to deal with death. I wanted to avoid it.
Then one of my fellow novices in religious life fell victim to cancer, and I
found myself around death more and more. My classmate was able to renew his
solemn vows and then passed away that evening, but I was not able to go to the
funeral. So the Guardian of the friary made me go to the grave and to reflect
there on why I could not go to the funeral. Why was I afraid to deal with death?
And I came to realize that death began as an end to man but
it is not an end any longer. Man had been lost, but God saved him by dying for
his sin. Death ends the suffering of the world, it is a cure for suffering. It
also prevents the person from sinning any longer. The goal of the Christian should
be to enter death at God’s time and in God’s way and to realize that God makes
death a holy experience when it is united with God himself. Death is something
that is sacred and even longed for when it is in harmony with God’s will, with
the death that God has chosen. Our prayer should be, “Lord, I choose the death
that you have chosen for me.”
The Mass for the dead says that life is changed, not ended.
Certainly we grieve when we lose a loved one because death shatters the order
of love which we had experienced with others. We suffer the pain of separation.
We should not feel guilty if we grieve. St. Padre Pio cried for three days when
his mother died. Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus. We can’t sugarcoat death.
We feel the separation and pain, but in the midst of this there is hope.
We might ask ourselves: How do I view death? How do I
experience it? We all must face death for ourselves and for others. We need to
come to a reconciliation with death, understand that it is a gift, and look
beyond it to the divine God who restores all things to life. We can understand
that death is the remedy for sin and suffering, but it has been redeemed by
Christ St. Francis, upon his deathbed said, “Welcome, Sister Death.”
It is amazing to be at the bedside of those who passed
faithfully from life into the arms of God. Their faithful life affects the way
they die. At the time of death, doctors need to step aside because only the
priest can minister now. The priest can help open the door so that the deceased
person may pass through to eternal life.
Let us pray for those who are dying and let us pray to
choose the death that God has chosen for us. When out turn comes, may we die in
peace with faith in Christ and his promise of eternal life.
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