Life in the Fast Lane or How One CFP Penitent Fits in ALL the Prayers and More

You've asked me to share, with a dear CFP brother, time management regarding prayer and how I, as a life pledged and privately vowed member, live the Confraternity of Penitents Rule and Constitutions.

 

Time management --.when I learn how to do that it will be a miracle.  To this dear brother in Christ I will say this.  First of all I only do ONE hour of silent prayer a day as my prayer option which on many days leaves me thinking I'm digging a hole of emptiness, and one day God will cover me over with my many distractions.

 

I go to Mass daily when I am working nights or am off, but I'm not able to go when working day shift as I have to be at work before any Masses are said.  When I leave work after a night shift, I go directly to Mass, and the truth is that I'm so exhausted that much of the time is spent trying to stay awake, and I don't get much out of it but my spiritual director has insisted that I must attend so I do.  Perhaps there are graces being given to souls for my sacrifice. I'd like to think so.

 

Much of the time, my CFP prayers are started in the shower or are said in the car going and coming from work.  One of my CFP sisters said that I was saying not praying, and that might be true, but God knows I do my best and I do feel a lifting of my heart to God in the car which might be another grace from His mercy.

 

I don't pray the full Liturgy of the Hours -- only Morning, Evening and Night Prayer as required by the Rule as I do have that hour of mental prayer daily to complete the CFP prayer schedule. Praying the full Liturgy of the Hours is difficult for me because I don't get any breaks at work and meals have to be eaten at my desk as I work my twelve hour rotating shift.  But I also have some flexibility, and, when working day shift, I take out my Office book and pray Morning Prayer at work first thing after I get there if I haven't had time to do it at home.  Most of the time I try to pray Evening Prayer just before my shift ends.  It's after normal work hours, and all management and eight  hour workers have gone by then.  Night prayer I pray just before bed.  

When I'm working night shift, I've found it best to keep the normal prayer schedule.  I say Evening Prayer before I get to work or soon after arriving.  I say Night Prayer before 11 p.m. Then before I leave in the morning after 5:00 am I say Morning Prayer or as soon as I get home if that wasn't possible.  In an effort to be more in tune with the rhythm of the Church, I've gotten out my copy of The Divine Office for Dodo's and am trying to learn how to do the "little hours" in the hope that I can try to incorporate them on the weekends.  I try to say other devotional prayers like the Rosary and Chaplet of Divine Mercy daily when I can.  Also I find it helpful to listen to devotional CDs in the car sometimes, although then I miss the quiet.

 

On days that I'm not working, I'm most happy because I attend morning Mass and have permission to be locked in to the church after everyone else leaves. Then I do my hour of silent prayer followed by Morning Prayer.  When I'm working nights, I try to go to the Dominican Monastery near work for my hour of prayer before going into work or to a church that has Adoration.  When I work days, I have to do my silent hour in the evening at home after I eat, but I admit to falling asleep many times followed by Night Prayer then bed.  

 

It sounds hectic and at times it is, but I also live alone and don't have to spend daily time with a spouse.  I've found TV has to have a minimal place in my life, and I don't have much time to read the newspaper; facebook, etc are out of the question.  I do have family (children and grandchildren, brother and sister, and a mother) that I have to interact with, but somehow God makes it possible because I ask Him for so much help.  The CFP way of life has been part of my life for so long now that it "IS" my way of life.  I need quiet time, I need prayer time as much as I need to eat and breathe. 

 

All this said, I don't feel I have the quality of prayer others may have, but I give God all that I can.  I struggle greatly with our 15 minutes of quiet meditation and Scripture reading and offering of the Psalms for the CFP members which are said sometimes in large clumps because I can't do them daily.  Ongoing formation reading is the hardest thing for me, and the first to be left out of any given day.

 

I have prayed the Liturgy of the Hours in the car, in the laundromat, in the doctor's office...whatever it takes. 

 

In the end, I would tell our CFP brother to ask God for help to make spaces where needed and trust that it will happen.  Be patient with yourself because this kind of a schedule is not the ideal, but don't let satan discourage you from making a commitment to God through prayer and living the Rule.  In the end, what you have to give up to grow closer to God will be a blessing.  

And be prepared for warfare!  Everything can and will try to come against your prayer time - do it anyway!  If the evil one tries to convict you that you are only giving lip service to prayer and make you feel bad, tell the Lord that it's true.  You don't pray as well as you should,  but admit that you give God all that you can, even your failures-- the fact that your prayer is sometimes rushed, even missed at times, that you're falling asleep at times. You know it could be better, and God knows that even better than you, but remember God can take anything and make something beautiful of it.  Accept the limitations you have now, and realize you won't have them forever.

 

Is this what you were looking for?

 

God bless,

R (lay sister M R in the CFP)